i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
