Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
