How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
