okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
