This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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