why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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