But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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