Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
