another moral hangover. fuck.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
