btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
