You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
