Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
