Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My liver just broke up with me...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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