so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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