i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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