Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
