I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
