So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
