so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
