We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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