just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
