Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
