i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
