Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
