Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
