...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
