He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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