please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
