so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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