Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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