Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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