It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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