My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.