My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I haven't been this sober since birth.
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Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.