don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.