I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
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The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.