I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.