Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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