I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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