I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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