Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
