I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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