but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
