just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
