I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She needs sedatives and a leash
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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