I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
