please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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