what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
