Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
there is glitter all over my balls
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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