I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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