but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
