Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
