dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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