I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
