I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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