Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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