You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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