I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
