Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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