There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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