just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
